Exercise for the Month of October

 

I took part in an exercise challenge in October. I agreed to walk, jog or bike 40 miles. That seemed like a lot but I was determined to finish. Well, I finished before the month was out, so I increased my challenge to 60 miles.

Of course, I had three RA flare-ups during October and each one knocked me out for a bit. But I was determined to make it. On October 31st, I’d had an 18-hour day flying back from the northeast, and when I got home at 10:30 pm, I was still a little short. So I got home, got out of my suit, hose, and heels–and got on my exercise bike. I was not going to miss the goal for the sake of two miles!

Turns out I was too tired to count, so I ended up getting 61 miles in October. I know for a lot of people, that doesn’t sound like much. But to me? It was unbelievable.

I’m glad I did it.

Photo courtesy of Daniel St. Pierre/ freedigitalphotos.net

New NS non-V

I threw up yesterday.

I’ve been really lucky so far, and have never had any issues with anything I’ve eaten. I’ve watched the signals and stopped when I needed to stop eating. I was feeling very proud of myself for that!

Well yesterday I am not sure what happened but I think I had the munchies (no, not for THAT reason, I just did). I ate tilapia with veggies as I posted. Then I ate half a snack-size bag of popcorn while we were watching a movie at home. An hour later, I decided I was still hungry.

Big mistake. I know better. if you’re “hungry” within 1-2 hours of your last meal, you’re not really hungry.

So I got some proscuitto, salami and cheese. Yeah, not so good. I hadn’t even eaten 1/4 of an ounce before I knew this wasn’t going to work out. Serves me right.

So I’m back to measuring my food carefully, when it’s finished I’m done, and I’m not going to eat within 3-4 hours of the last snack/meal. I really hope I have learned my  lesson.

Confession time

 

So confessing some “sins”. I hear it’s good for the soul, or at least that’s what the nun’s told me at school. Yes, I went to Catholic school. My father is Hindu, my mother was Sikh, my teachers were Catholic, my best friend in college was Muslim. Welcome to a childhood in India.

1. I confess I worry I will never lose the weight. Ever.

2. I confess the reason I don’t want to tell people about the surgery is because, what if I fail? then I’ll be the fat girl that couldn’t even lose it with surgery!

3. I confess that although I know I’m a sugar addict, sometimes I lie to myself and say maybe it will be different now that I’m sleeved.

4. I confess that even though the 36 lbs I’ve lost have made a huge difference to the way I look and feel, I wouldn’t be happy if I never lost another pound, even though I know I should be.

5. I confess that even though I’m not a jealous person, sometimes I want to b/tch slap those who are complaining about “only” losing 10 lbs a month since I would kill to lose that much.

6.  I confess that we still eat gummy vitamins although we can do pills just fine, because they’re kinda like a treat every night 🙂

Okay, your turn!

NSV: I hiked in freaking cave!

I hiked in a cave today. For an hour. And then I swam in it. And then I walked 2 miles wearing a wetsuit and the heaviest life jacket ever. And then I walked another mile.

YESSSS!!!

This was not any old flat cave. This was a very uneven cave floor in a very dark cave, with some of it under water and the rest above and I hiked through it for an hour.

I haven’t shared this before but two years ago, I ended up in a wheelchair due to a very incompetent doctor. I was in it and bed-ridden for three months and it took me 3 months to learn how to walk again, by which time I had significant damage to the cartilage in my knees. For all of last year, I wasn’t able to do stairs at all, and was reduced to using handicapped elevators if there were a ton of stairs. I couldn’t sit on the floor comfortably and couldn’t fold my legs in half and it took me months before I could climb in and out of a bath tub.

But today, I did all that. I hiked up and down some very rough terrain, I fell, I scraped my knee, I used a big stick to balance myself. I stepped sideways, forward, back, up, and down big ledges. I had to fold myself in half as I walked, and I had to fold my knees in half. And I enjoyed every freaking minute of it.

I was probably the least well-balanced person of our group. As I said, I had to learn how to walk again, and I don’t think I’m as well-balanced as I used to be. I can no longer stand on one foot for any length of time. My husband made me take a walking stick and took one  to keep me company (because on my own I’m too  macho to admit I need help).

I was so worried about today. I was sure I would peter out before everyone. I was worried I wasn’t a strong enough swimmer. i was concerned I”d hold everyone up. Well, everyone else there was much younger than us, but I’m happy to say we did not bring up the rear.

Yes I struggled, but I finished it. I love my sleeve.

And btw, my husband is freaking stud muffin. The very-fit instructor dropped his flashlight under water. He tried to dive for it, couldn’t get it. The younger guys are standing around half-heartedly offering to go get it. My 60-year old man says, here, I’ll do it. Off comes his helmet and his life jacket, he dives down and gets it with no fuss.

I almost jumped his bones right there :p

I also now know beyond a shadow of a doubt what I want in my life. If it’s a choice between being skinny and lying by the pool looking gorgeous vs. hiking in a dark, dusty cave, I’m choosing hiking.

Left my heart in Ipanema…and my hair in Cancun

Yeah so the hair loss has started, pretty much right on schedule. They warned me this would happen at 3 months and here we go. I was snorkeling in the ocean today and then got into the pool to wash out the salt. Then I tried to comb it with a wet brush. This brush is the best thing to comb out wet, tangled hair, but today it struggled. When we were done, there were just huge clumps of hair just falling out.

I’m trying to be positive about it. I’ve been eating my protein, taking my vitamins, and really there’s not much more to be done except wait it out. The evidence in favor of biotin is only anecdotal, and no shampoo or conditioner is going to stop a telogenic phase (the phase where your hair falls out, which happens throughout our lives, it’s just that after surgery, many hair fall out at once).

People tell me it will likely go on for three months, and the end of which, i will start to see new growth. I have thought about this and believe I have two viable options. (No, peacefully going bald is not an option). I can either use Toppix or something similar to hide the scalp-showing spots that are appearing in the front, or I can get extensions to add bulk. My hair is already short so cutting it is not an option.

Trying to be practical and brave. We’ll se how long THAT lasts!  Last resort? Cut it as short as that baby, and try to look as cute.

 

picture courtesy of imagerymajestic/freedigitalphotos.net

Sugar-free drinks in Mexico

I still have a bit of trouble with water. But here are the sugar-free yummies I’ve been enjoying, as well as some low-fat cheese for snacking.

 

When it comes to weight loss, trends matter

I woke up a little anxious today. I’ve been obsessing about this whole weight loss thing. I’m counting calories, protein, carbs obsessively. I’m so hungry that I’m hangry (hungry + angry). I’m worrying about whether I’m eating too many calories even though I’ve stayed under 800 calories. Every half pound up or down on the scale is driving me crazy and I’m taking it personally.

So I decided to do what I do best, which is to look for trends in numbers and to use numbers to tell a story. There are three pictures below.

The most depressing is to look at my weight over 7 days. Oh, see the stalls! Oh woe is me! Clearly I’m failing! oh no! I cut 85% of my stomach out and I’m failing!

 

I take a deep breath and look at my 30-day trends. Hmm, maybe it’s okay? I still see those flat lines that look like stalls. I dunno. But hey at least I see some drops.  It’s looking a bit better.

 

But I wonder what it looks like at 90 days? After all, I’m in this for the long haul and so perhaps I should have a longer-term perspective. So let’s look at a 90-day trend.

 

Whoa! What do you know! All I see are steady declines. I don’t see the stalls that much anymore. Rather what I see is a line that consistently goes down. Perhaps I’m doing okay after all.  I now see a trendline that is reassuring, that is different from what I’ve achieved before, and that I believe will continue for a while.

Now to keep this perspective throughout the week ahead and not get frustrated.

What does your trend line look like?

Thank God for friends who know you and love you

 

It’s been a rough week. Several 18+ hour workdays back to back, three cities in 4 days, trying to keep up with walking…and worst of all, a bad flare-up. Pain in my joints, fingers, wrists, ankles, and I think I’m likely hormoning. Really struggling over the past week.

All this is compounded by the fact that I’m stalled. I’ve lost 1 lb. in the last 10 days and I’m not losing inches as far as I can tell. It may be normal, but I think it’s also normal to be frustrated.

I was talking to a friend of mine this morning and told her that of the last 60 days since my surgery, I’ve been stalled for 22 days. And she said, “The fact that you know that is just wrong. You’re focusing too much on it. How much have you lost since the surgery?”

In a begrudging voice I said, “About 34 lbs”.

And she said “I don’t understand you. You see good in other people even when it’s not really there. But you can’t see it in yourself Why is that?”

Oh, why indeed? She’s very right. I’ve often told myself that I should give myself the same advice I give other people. I’m much nicer to other people than I am to myself.

It’s never a simple thing to unravel, but I’m afraid of failing at this surgery. I’m afraid that I could do everything right, and still fail to reach my fairly modest goal. I wonder if I will still be thinking like this 3 years from now? If even then, I’ll be worried that I will fail?

I understand that a certain amount of fear is healthy and keeps us focused, but at what point does fear turn dysfunctional? At what point do I start believing I will succeed, rather than worrying I will fail?

 

Photo courtesy of Stuart Miles/freedigitalphotos.net

W1D3 of C25k done!

So my husband decided to start Couch to 5k with me! I was so excited. Now I have my 13-year old and my husband huffing and puffing with me. It also gives me a good reason to repeat w1 and get comfortable with it before I approach week 2, and I think I could use the extra time.

We went to the gym to run on the track. My husband who hasn’t run in at least 15 years, got out there—and comfortably lapped me! I was so proud of him! If you’re going to do it with a friend, I suggest you go together, but let each person find his or her own pace. I loved seeing him around the track, but he didn’t have to slow down and wait for me which was nice for both of us.

When it was time for the cool down, I broke the rules and walked backwards on the track so we could hold hands and finish walking together. What a great feeling!

Muscle vs. Fat

 

So lately I’ve been thinking I want to set my goal not to a weight, but to a body-fat percentage. I think I’d like to get between 22-25% body fat. I’m too embarrassed to tell you where I’m at now,  but let’s just agree I’m not there yet. 🙂

I don’t want to be skinny fat. I don’t want to lose metabolism-boosting muscle and be left with a lot of fat. Muscle burns more calories in a resting state than does fat. Moreover, no one will know how much I weigh except me and anyone I choose to tell, but the whole world could look at me and know whether or not I am fit and strong. 

This is not easy for a couple of reasons. First, with as little as I’m eating right now, it’s really hard to not lose muscle. Secondly, it’s very difficult to put on muscle when you’re eating this little. So the best I can hope for is to not lose as much muscle as I might if I wasn’t working out. I expect to lose muscle at my level of calories. I know that all I can do is minimize the loss of muscle and maximize the fat loss. 

I’m starting to think that most of us with sleeves or other forms of weight-loss surgery need to focus more on muscle retention and fat loss rather than muscle gain and weight loss.  

I don’t quite know how to figure it out accurately. According to my scale, I’ve lost 32 lbs in total. But it also shows that 29 lbs of that is fat and 12 lbs of that is muscle, which is clearly 42 lbs, not the 32 lbs I’ve lost. If anyone has advice on this, I’ll take it.

All I know is, I have to do whatever I can to keep the muscle and lose the fat. I will be strong when all this is over. I will not be the “typical” 47-year old woman. 

Now there’s a goal that motivates me. 

Photo courtesy of Ambro/Freedigitalphotos.net