Archive | July, 2013

Stuck at same weight for 6 days pre-op VSG

29 Jul

I kinda suspect I will be a slow loser anyway, but this seems a bit ridiculous. I decided to do 14-days liquid pre-op. Between 800-1000 liquid calories, 70% from protein, 15% from carbs, 15% from fat. All I eat/drink is 3 protein shakes and 3-4 bowls of non-starchy vegetable soup. Lots of crystal light and so many glasses of water that my back teeth are swimming.

I haven’t lost a single pound in 6 days.

How is that possible?

I lost 2 lbs before I started by replacing one meal a day with a shake, and then lost 6 lbs the first week. So don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful since I cannot tell you when I last lost 8 lbs in 3 weeks (try never), but I have to admit it surprises me that I’m not losing more. I’m at a 36 BMI now, and have at least 75 lbs to lose.

Did others experience this? I’m also wondering if there’s a relationship between pre-op weight loss rate and post-op rate. If you are a slow loser pre-op, is it usually correlated with slower post-op weight?

And now I’m wondering if I’m over-thinking this whole thing .

Tough Day on Liquid Diet Pre-Op VSG

27 Jul



Add ex husband”s wedding reception and 12 hours of travel to get there, to day 10 of liquid pre-op. Surround yourself with cake, cookies, peanuts, M&Ms, fruit pies and pretzels. Watch everyone around you tuck in. Eat nothing. Go home starving.

Ugh. Fortunately we found a soup place near our hotel and ate some veg soup and tomato basil soup that filled us up,  but I just got yet another glimpse of what life after surgery will be. I will be surrounded by tempting food, and I will have to not eat any of that junk unless I want to jeopardize both my weight loss and my health.

No one said it would be easy, right?

7 days of liquid pre-op, and I haven’t killed anyone yet

27 Jul

It’s almost getting to be a routine. Veg soup and Protein at every meal. An SF popsicle to wash down dinner. Yesterday was the first time I didn’t need a nap and was alert, and productive throughout the day. The previous few days, I’d really started to worry about how I was going to work because I couldn’t string two thoughts together and all I wanted was a nap.

It’s funny, I’m not really hungry, but today, I want to BITE into something–or someone, when I’m feeling cranky :) I haven’t been as cranky as I thought I would be–but I want to CHEW something.

I feel grateful that I have this opportunity to do something that seemed impossible, and win at it. It sends me into surgery with a feeling of power and control. And I need that. Being–or feeling–powerless over my weight for all these years really affects my self-image. I don’t feel this helpless about anything else in my life.

Tomorrow, we drive 11 hours to go to my ex-husband’s wedding reception. Then Sunday we do it all over again, except in reverse. I can’t eat anything at the reception. R and I will just have to have our shakes before. He’s in the kitchen, getting the “travel soups” ready.

Anyone who says this is the easy way out has no idea what they’re talking about. I have a feeling i will be saying this with even more vehemence after the surgery when I’m in pain :)

But hey, 7 days down, and I’m still on track. Yay me!

Pre-Op VSG Horrified by my before pictures

23 Jul

fat cat



So took some pics today of myself and my husband so we can start to document the journey. If I wasn’t a tough broad I’d be crying my eyes out.

Oh. My.

I have lost 7 lbs on pre-op which I have NEVER before been able to do in a week. So I’m feeling pretty good about myself, right? Fix my hair and my makeup and I’m all like, wow, I’m looking better! Because in my head, I’m a skinny person I guess.

But in fact, I’m not skinny of course.

We take these pictures with clothes and then just with undies. Can I just say…I look soooo unattractive to myself! I look fat, and out of shape, and blobby. All of which I am, but seeing a picture of me made it a lot more real than looking at myself in the mirror, not sure why. I have a friend who used to say he needed to lose weight and when we told him he looked fine, he always joked, “You only say that because you haven’t seen me naked”. Today, I know exactly what he meant.

And it also looks like I’ve been that woman who wears too-tight bras without even knowing it. My husband took back pictures of me and I was like, I’m surprised my bras just haven’t cut me in half all these years! Maybe if I’d taken more pics of myself it would have pushed me into surgery sooner!

I’m trying not to obsess about it and just remember that THIS is why I am getting the surgery. But really I cannot imagine EVERY posting pics of myself in undies for befores and afters. I hope I get there.

Down 7 lbs on the liquid diet

23 Jul

So I’m past the day 4 hurdle everyone talks about. I had to take a two hour nap yesterday before I could function! My brain was fuzzy and I really couldn’t string two thoughts together properly.

Then I started thinking about all the changes i was making all at once.

1. No caffeine. Aaargh!
2. Carbs below 50 gms a day
3. Less than 1000 calories a day
4. Much more protein than I usually intake
5. Liquids only plus veg soup. Not easy.
6. No straws
7. No fat to speak of
8. No sugar
9. No fruit
10. Constantly having to hydrate (i drink a lot of water anyway but now having to focus on it).

Yeah, it’s okay to have a hard time with that!

On the plus side I’ve lost 7 lbs over the last 12 days that I’ve been easing into this. It makes me feel confident that I will lose weight when I’m sleeved.

it’s all good.

Starting two-weeks of liquids today

20 Jul

Chocolate protein powder



Today, I start two weeks of liquids so that I can keep R. company for his two weeks. I’ve eased into it by replacing one meal with a liquid all last week, which was a week of travel. I’m really happy that I was able to stick to that even with four days on the road, long days and nights, and delayed airplanes, etc. I ate almost no sugar last week, just two oreos (oops) on the delayed flight.

I feel ready. The house is stocked with unjury chicken soup, all kinds of protein shakes, SF jello and popsicles. But most importantly, I’m not as hungry as I was before I started, thanks to easing in slowly. I want to feel in control of food, not the other way around. I’m feeling that right now.

I know the next three days will be the hardest, and I’m prepared for that. I just want to show myself that I can do this too. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve lost 3 lbs by just that meal replacement and reduced carbs.

Let’s do this!

Underneath all this fat, awaits a gorgeous, healthy body

16 Jul




Got a new fat/muscle scale yesterday. Although I almost had a seizure at seeing how many lbs of fat I have to lose, I choose to focus on the fact that I have 73 lbs of muscle! That means that to get to my goal weight(150 lbs) and fat percentage (25%), theoretically all I have to do is keep all my muscle and lose 60lbs of the fat. I know, I know it doesn’t work like that, but I’m playing head games with myself to motivate myself. I choose to focus on what’s right with my body and how to enhance it.

I have muscles underneath all this fat. And one day soon, I will see them. And I will be healthy, I will be strong, and I will be able to do the things I want. I will finally learn to scuba dive. I might be able to start lifting weights again without all my joints hurting. I won’t need help hauling a 30 lb bag of dog food. I will be able to hike if I want to and I will become a strong swimmer.

Because underneath all this fat, awaits a gorgeous, healthy body. And I intend to find it.

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